Although we may have good intentions when writing sympathy letters, we might not always choose the right words to say. Some things we say may be offensive to them, even if we did not purposely mean to provoke any negative feelings. Below is a list I have composed of things you should not say in a sympathy letter. Make sure to read this list before drafting your sympathy letter because words mean a lot to the grieving person most especially in this fragile state.
1. Do not incorporate your religious viewpoints regarding the loss unless you know that the person grieving is religious as well.
If you are not positive that the person who you are writing the letter for is religious, it might not be good idea to write anything relevant to your own beliefs. If the person is of a different religion that you are, they might not take your words to be words of guidance, but perhaps words of persuasion for them to convert.
2. Do not give lengthy backstories about your own life that relate to his or her situation.
You do not want to make the situation about you. This letter is for someone else and you must not bore them nor make them more depressed by explaining to them how have you gone through the same experience. Mentioning it briefly should be well received, but it should not be any more than a few sentences.
3. Do not imply that the death was for the best.
In the scenario that the deceased person was already suffering very much before his death, you may have the opinion that the death was in his best interest. You should not imply that it was, even if you strongly believe it to be so. It is rude and hurtful. The person is his loved one and it is not nice to say that the tragic event should have happened.
4. Do not ask any personal questions about the financial and legal affairs of the grieving person.
I know you are probably very curious about how some matters regarding their property, their children, their business, etc. will be handled. Although you may wonder such things, it really is none of your business. It is rude to ask, most especially during this tough time, about these private matters. If you are truly in some position to know, you must wait until some time has passed to inquire about it, and not in the sympathy letter.
5. Do not use clichés.
If you want your letter to sound like you simply opened a book of quotes and wrote them down in a letter, then by all means go ahead. If you want your letter to sound personal and heartfelt, use words that come from the heart. You do not need to tell them words that they probably have heard before.
