When someone is grieving over a loss, we feel the desire to express our condolences to him or her. Although we may always mean well when expressing our condolences, we may not always know the appropriate words to say or the appropriate actions to take. Many times, in an effort to show sympathy we may say or do something that might upset the person or might offend them. Below are four things you must not do when expressing condolence:
1. Do not express your condolences through Twitter, Facebook, or other social media outlets.
In this day and age, it is typical for everyone to communicate through the Internet. When expressing condolences for a loss, however, it is not appropriate to do so via these media outlets because they are very public and visible to everyone. The family may not want everyone to know about the bad news just yet, and you may be disrespecting their wishes. It is best that you make a phone call to the bereaved person, as it is very personal. If you are not too close to the person, you may send a card or an email instead of a giving a phone call.
2. Do not attempt to take charge of the situation.
It may appear helpful to a person to try to control what will happen after the loss with the hopes of trying to alleviate the burden of the family. Even as a close friend, you are in an appropriate position to do so. They, themselves, must control what happens next when they are ready to. This control is a quality that they will need in the process of recovering from the loss, and no external person can gain this for them but themselves.
3. Do not pry into details of how the loss occurred or what they will do with post-death matters.
Although you may be curious about the events that led up to the death and may want to ask several questions, it is inappropriate to do so especially if the death happened fairly recently. They need not be pestered with details during this time of grief. It is also unfitting to be nosy about what he or she is going to do with the property they own, the business that the one who passed away was the owner of, or how money will be distributed among the family members. You must only be concerned with the needs of the person.
4. Do not infer that the loss was for the best.
It is inappropriate and rude to mention anything along the lines of the loss being for the best. One may attempt to reason through the loss, explaining any health issues that led up to it or bring up and religious justifications. It is likely that the grieving person is already fully aware of how it happened and does not need to be reminded. Also, never assume that the person is religious. Tell them anything spiritual may offend them if they are not.
